She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize