i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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