your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize