you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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