They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
