she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
