The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
