somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
