I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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