meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
