My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize