DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Randomize
