Taylor Swift is so right about you.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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