after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
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