I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
