Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
