I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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