I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
