Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
