So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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