Soap is not a condiment
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
