HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
