Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
