I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
