brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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