Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
