I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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