Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
