just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
