Betty ford says i'm here all night
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I have aggressive nipples.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
