At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
