I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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