We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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