I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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