Umm I'm too high to move.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
