wrigley field is MILF paradise
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize