Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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