come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
