i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
