i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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