because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
