I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
