Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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