Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize