I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
