I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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