I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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