He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
