i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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