i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Enjoy the penises
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
