Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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