3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
