You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
