me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
