She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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