I got her a Nickelback box set.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
