and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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