Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize