just come out here and I will go home with you...
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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