so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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