As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
