Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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