Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
