So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I think people are normalizing furries
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize