plz talk dirty to me
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
