Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
