Christians are straight up FREAKS
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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