Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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