Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
someone owes me an orgasm
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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