Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
