I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
