nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Your tits are I can't wait for
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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