dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
