Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
