NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
