get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
