i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
