census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
