I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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