I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
