New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
