i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
