He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
