return my video game
Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
