New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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