yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
