Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
