I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
