All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
