last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
