summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
