the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
