Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
