Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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