Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
