I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
